i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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