You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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