I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
