i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
