i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am naked and annoyed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
