He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
