Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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