How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
