the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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