And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
