Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
