apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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