I'm eating all of the evidence.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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