If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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