he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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