Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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