He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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