Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pants are for mortals
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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