ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
