The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sext me about skeletons
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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