When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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