remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
