What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's the barista slut.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
