This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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