did you get engaged???
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
