I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
