I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
