So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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