Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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