Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize