Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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