What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize