I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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