I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
