i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize