I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
