lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
