Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
