the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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