What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
