why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
