I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
