I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
