Im at strip club and am horny
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
