Yo dont text me then not text me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
