Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
