Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
so much tequila, so little girl.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
