There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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