Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
