brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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