I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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