i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
