I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
