Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
