I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
