Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
