im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
