when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
