Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
