You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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