so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Pants are for mortals
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
