Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
