Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
