Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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