I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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