last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
