dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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