I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my sisters under your porch take her home
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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